Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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