Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
if i died would you start the facebook group?
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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