i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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