No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
