my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Randomize
