You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
