What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Randomize
