Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Randomize
