the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
