Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
this will be a night to untag.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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