I can text with my tongue
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
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