Need sex. Gaining weight.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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