I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
