I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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