I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Randomize
