I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Randomize
