Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Randomize
