You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
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