if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
