im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Be still, my beating vagina.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
