So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize
