Her vagina should come with caution tape.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
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