i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
