you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Randomize
