Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
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