I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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