Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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