Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
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