i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
that's an acceptable place to lick
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
tell me about the fingering
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