Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
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