cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
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