Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
