She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize