Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
