Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
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