so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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