Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Randomize
