Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Randomize
