dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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