two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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