i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize