pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
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