pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize