Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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