yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Randomize
