I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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