I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
