We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
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