Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
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