I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
