either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
