It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
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