im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
did you just send me my own nude
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
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