I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
