She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Randomize
