I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Randomize
