Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
