i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
