I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
