Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Randomize
