Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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