i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
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