i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
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